A lot of times, when people aren't mastering their mindset or trying to focus on being better, it's because they're taking a brief delay from what they're actually focused on. Emily Frisella, renowned author at Fit Home & Health and Food in Session co-host, says you have to set your goals. You have to write that stuff down and make a plan of action on how to accomplish those things. She says you don't just wake up one day and you're that. It's building your personal brand and starting to do more on social media to reach an audience, being engaging, being authentic, commenting back to people, liking people's photos and commenting to them, just being a real person. Voyeurism is a real thing. It's a natural instinct in humans to watch other people. You need to get out there and let people watch you do what you do, hone your craft, so when you do come out with your book or your brand or your courses, you have that goal and the opportunity to reach that goal, and you're going to dominate it. Learn the steps to calling the shots as Emily shares how you can get from the fixed mindset to the growth or the faith mindset.
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How To Master Your Mindset with Emily Frisella
I am so excited about bringing on my very dear friend and powerhouse entrepreneur, the boss to be reckoned with. You have been such an inspiration in my life on so many different levels. We met when we both got our first book published. Emily's cookbook has helped me to get much better in the kitchen. I still have a long way to go. It's been so fun watching your journey because not only are you a published author, you also got an award for being the top five entrepreneurs in St. Louis and that is an incredible accomplishment.
Thanks for having me.
You’ve got so many things in the works and you're just hitting on all cylinders as a boss. You do an amazing job on Instagram on sharing to people how to master your mindset. I want to turn this time over to you. I want you to share your back story. You've been an entrepreneur since you pretty much came out of the womb.
I grew up on a farm and I feel like that’s where my work ethic came from because it was the farm life. My dad owned his own trucking companies and brokerage firms my entire life. I always saw from a young age what an entrepreneur lifestyle was and people always ask a lot about, “How do you find balance?” They ask me that because I'm married and my husband's also an entrepreneur. I feel like I have balance but again, I'm very flexible. A lot of people consider balance is nine to five, go home, have dinner and it’s family time. I never had that growing up. I never knew what that really even meant because my mom was a stay at home mom, my dad would get up at 5:00 AM, go check on the cattle, go to work, get home at seven, eat dinner, go to the farm and work until 11:00 PM, come home, sleep and do it again. That's just the lifestyle that I had growing up.
For me to be married to an entrepreneur, it just works because that's all I know. I feel like I get a lot of my entrepreneur spirit from my dad because I just saw everything that happens, whether the good, the bad, the ugly, the fun stuff you celebrate. When I was twenty years old, I started my own business. I had my first brick and mortar business, it was a flower shop and a luxury gift boutique, wedding rentals, tuxedo rentals, had that for several years. I chose to sell the business, the land, the property, everything, and move to St. Louis. I worked as an operations and accounting manager to a graphic design firm for about eight years. I loved it, but it wasn't my own. I worked my way up the ladder, I was the highest I could be without being an owner. I knew I couldn't be an owner because it was a family business. I like this now, but am I going to like it in twenty years? I knew I wouldn’t. I always had a passion for cooking, just growing up on the farm and I had been writing a cookbook. I was going to do it in conjunction with keeping my career.
One day my husband and I were talking and he goes, “Why don't you just quit there and do your cookbook and do that shit?” He said I was going to be so much happier with that. I said, “Are you sure?” He said yes. That was in December 2014, we had that conversation and I went back from Christmas to my career and I told them I'm going to be leaving. In February 2015, I started doing my own thing. I'd had my business, Fit Home & Health for about two years before that as a side project. In February, it took off and I started doing my own thing. It started with the cookbook, but then it started building into more, speaking engagements, teaching about nutrition. I speak about body image with women and not just all the body positive movement because I feel that's okay but there needs to be more movement towards health.
Body positive things should be being positive about your stance but looking forward to where you want to be. A lot of people look at it as an overall acceptance and they don't try to make those strides to be healthier and it's not necessarily the aesthetics of it, it's your health. I started speaking to Girl Scout groups and young teenagers learning about their health and nutrition because I didn't know anything about that growing up. I’m hosting a workshop coming up for women in business. People need clarity. How do you get from A to B? There’s so much gray area now that you find in the internet, you’ve done it, you’ve lived it.
What I think is so neat about you, a lot of entrepreneurs have all these great ideas when they're in the shower. When they get out of the shower, how do we execute on them? You put together a game plan to back you up, you have that accountability, and you've built that tribe around you to help you to execute on those different things. I'm excited about your workshop and help you in whatever way that I can. I think the more that women can surround themselves with that tribe and that accountability and how to choose, the likelihood of them actually executing on their dreams skyrockets. We have those people and then the go-tos on how to make it happen. Kudos to you for having ideas that you’ve executed successfully.
You and I have a different approach to things. We’re more of a masculine energy. I feel like a lot of women are timid of really going after what they want because they're afraid of the approval. Many people seek approval, we're ingrained and trained to seek approval since kindergarten. You don't want to get picked last for Red Rover or tag like you do whatever you can to seek approval and to gain that approval from other people, your peers like in junior high, first day of school, what lunch table you’re going to sit at. Are you going to sit with the cool kids, the nerds, the jocks? Where are you going to be at? I think people have been trained for twenty years of their life to seek that approval, “I want to be liked so this is what I'm going to do.” As soon as you start owning yourself and your actions, that's when things really start to skyrocket because you attract the tribe that you want, the people around you. That's what's going to set you apart, to have those people backing you up and driving you and really clapping for you.
I love that one quote. There are people going to look at you and be like, “Why are you doing that? You're crazy.” After that, they're going to ask if you're hiring.
I feel like everybody's had that happen in their life. I've posted about that before on Instagram, when I was about to quit my job to write my book. People thought, “Are you really going to do that? Do you think you'll sell any copies, what are you going to do after you write your book?” I didn't realize how they're meaning that and the disbelief that they had in me because I was so adamant and I believed in myself so much. What do you mean what am I going to do? This is the start of everything.
I love that because so many people, when doubt enters their mind by other people themselves, they just kneel to that. That's the opportunity where you can truly step into your brain power, dominate that doubt and that's what you've done. Go follow this amazing Emily Frisella. Even just reading your post, if I'm ever having a hard day or I'm in a frustration mode, I've always asked myself, “How do I get from the fixed mindset to the growth or the faith mindset?” You are one of my top five people on Instagram because you help people to get out of their own head and really look at it from a different perspective. I would love to know your top three things that you would tell someone who is not in a healthy mindset.
Don't fall into the pit of comparison because so many people do that. They constantly compare themselves and they feel like they had this going on, “I'm not going to be able to do that.” I could've turned on Food Network or looked at Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart and then never have done anything about it because I knew that I'm on the bottom rung of this ladder. The thing is that I knew there was no book out there written by me. That's why I did it.
I want to talk about that for a second, because I talk with a lot of women in the different empowerment events that I do. The number one thing that I get from women because I asked a lot of times at the end is if I fired my fear, I would. In 24 hours, this is what I'll do and here's my accountability partner to keep me accountable to my goal. With three steps, a lot of times I ask, “What would you do?” They said, “I don't want to write it down.” Number one, I tell them there's power in the pen and then number two, why don't you want to do that? There is only one you on the planet and a strong song to sing, if that goes unsung, you're going to take that to the grave.
A lot of people missed their opportunities or even their calling, and they don't follow through on their passions because they immediately see these people that have done it or doing it. Where do you think those people started at? Everyone's always starting from some place and I feel like people tend to forget that in this high gloss over glammed Instagram world that we live in. I feel like no other social media exists except Instagram and so many people are driven to that because it's curation. Sometimes I'm typing in Instagram and it's like therapy. I'm speaking to myself because no matter what high gloss world you see in Instagram, everyone posting that stuff, they have bad days too. There's a hell of a lot more good days than there are bad days and you have to remember that. Another thing is I like to look at those days as opportunities to kick ass the next day. Turn these into challenges and things into a bigger opportunity. You build your confidence through failures and keep moving. Otherwise, you're never going to feel confident. You fall down, don't get up, you don't learn anything. You fall down, get up, and keep going. That's confidence. It's what confidence is like, a rung in the ladder. No matter how many failures you have because that's what's going to make you better. There's power in confidence.
You have impacted me. I think people have to be very self-aware of saying, let's say there's someone up there that you really look up to but not everybody's going to resonate with that person, but they'll resonate with you and you might be the only person that can speak life into that person. Shining your light is so important because that can be truly the key to unlock someone else's dream.
A big one is take ownerships of your actions and your attitude because I feel so many people, they get overly emotional over things and they make rash decisions in their business, career, or relationships because of that. You have to master your mind before you can master anything else. I feel like it's something where if you learned to take actions for your attitude and how you put yourself out there, that's huge. I'm super laid back but if something irks me, I don't lash out. I think about it, I really consume how am I going to react to this, what is the best thing? I'm very analytical in that aspect as to make the best decision and a healthier choice for myself, my career and my future. If something happens with the business, a business deal goes bad and for a bad reason on someone's part, I think about it, “Why do they do this?” It's never necessarily sympathy for them as to what happened, but it's because I'm angry and I'm frustrated. It's me choosing not to fire back an email or a text saying how mad I am. I’ll ask myself, “Why did this happen?” Afterwards, I can react appropriately because you never know what could happen in the future and you don't want to burn those bridges that you haven't even got a chance to cross yet. Your actions and attitude are everything.
I think really putting it into the right perspective, especially if we are type A bosses, we’ll react very quickly. I think if we let a little bit of time pass and take a step back think, “Is this going to matter in a year? Is this going to matter in a few years?”
That took years of experience and me learning because when I had my business I was twenty, something went bad, I would fire back immediately. Mastery mindset and growth mindset, that's a never-ending lesson in your life. It's something that every single encounter that you have is a chance to hone that skill.
To really be bummed for a minute and not a month.
Most of the stuff doesn't matter. How many times have you gotten mad and you reacted so quickly and harshly? You look back and it’s embarrassing to think that you got so upset over it because there really was nothing. I find one being just stop comparing yourself to others it ties in with the whole stop seeking approval. I think setting goals that if you feel like you're falling in that pit of comparison, go back and set your goals because a lot of times they're sitting down. Most of them when that comparison happens, they're sitting down after dinner or they're being still, and they’re cruising Instagram. Since they're not actually working or doing something, they feel like, “Those people are doing so much more than I am.” They forgot that they just walked out of their office 30 minutes earlier but if you're doing that, stop there. Go on your notepad on your phone or your pen and paper. I put it down and I write down all my goals because then I know I've got this. For some reason it's like magic where it just diminishes all those comparison thoughts and doubts.
It’s just shifting that mindset to realizing what environment are you in when you're having these doubts and these feelings, what are you doing? A lot of times when people aren't mastering their mindset or trying to focus on being better, it's because they're taking a brief delay from what they're actually focused on. I feel bad. Think about it, if you're sick and you're not in the gym for a week, you see some fitness chick on Instagram, you're like, “I'm such a fat piece of crap. I work out all the time anyway, I just feel that way because I'm not actively doing it right now.” A lot of times when people feel like the way, it's an insecurity subconsciously because they feel like they're not doing enough.
When the reality is you have to set those goals, you have to write that stuff down and make a plan of action. That's what I'm excited for your Boss Life Blueprint because it's going to give you a plan of action, how to accomplish those things for so many people, like you said earlier on the podcast. People don't act on that because they see their goals, “I want to be a New York Times bestseller.” How are you going to get there? People forget that part of it, the clarity of the steps to get there. You don't just wake up one day and you're that, it's building your personal brand. It started doing more on Instagram and social media to reach an audience. Being engaging, being authentic, commenting back to people, liking people's photos and commenting to them, being a real person. Voyeurism is a real thing. That's why people like watching reality TV, they like watching video podcasts. It's a natural instinct in humans to watch other people, so it's something where you need to get out there and let people watch you do what you do, hone your craft, so when you do come out with your book or your brand or your courses, you have that goal, the opportunity to reach that goal and you're going to dominate it.
You had so many good elements in that, but the number one thing is getting into the massive action zone. You sit on Instagram and you're flipping through and that's the comparison thing. It's the thief of all joy. On Instagram, you do such an amazing job of cheering other people on, on their journey and you are raising human being. You and Nicole Craig, you guys know each other. I just can't even put into words how much I adore both of you because you're so real. You're so authentic. You love people and you genuinely want to see people succeed. I think you can switch on over from the woe is me to you know what inspiration, I'm all about it. When you get into that mindset of the abundance, that's where the ideas and the creativity can flow. There's no creativity when you're in the comparison zone.
The thing is that people need to get out of the zone because it is a mindset practice of switching over from comparison to inspiration. You can look at someone that's doing well and you can either have the choice of, you can hate on them and say bad things in your mind about them or you can be, “I want to do that,” or fires you up. When I see a cool workout video of this girl, I get excited, I have a hard time going to sleep. I can’t wait to go to the gym the next day. It is important to cheer other people on, because one, it's the right thing to do and I feel like that is the sign of someone that truly wants others to do well. It's not you bullying everybody, saying how much better you are than everybody else because you're not. If Instagram went away tomorrow, what's going to happen?
That actually brings up another good point, building a brand. You do a lot of speaking, you do a lot of traveling because you're building your brand if Instagram dies. We do a lot of the same things in our own spaces. It's important to do that kind of stuff because if Instagram dies tomorrow, and all of your followers are gone, you want to have something that those people are going to want to search you and find you. They like you as a person, they like your product, and you've interacted with them and they want to continue that friendship. If Instagram does die because some people base everything off of social media, which is a great platform to build on but you can’t build an entire business based on Instagram.
I think that's why it's such a strong mindset of just tapping into a number of different types of pools and hitting on a number of different cylinders and that's why I think I'm so excited about what you're doing, this powerful event because you can really connect on a heart level. You can definitely connect on so many different ways in social media, but there's something about being eye to eye, belly to belly, and really to have an experience with a group of like-minded people and to really be able to be inspired by them, ask questions. Your combination to your five closest friends, the books that you read, and the places that you go. If you can really get yourself out of your comfort zone, go to an event like that, it's just amazing how you do something is how you do everything.
I’m a lot of excited you’d be there, be on the panel and share all your knowledge with everybody. I think it's going to be amazing. It's not going to be this hold hands and hug type and make friendship necklaces. It's going to be the truth.
Let's go back to the mindset early on in the game for you. Obviously, you started out as an entrepreneur at nineteen years old. What was the lowest moment you had as an entrepreneur and how did you get yourself out of there?
Lowest moment was which you and I talked about this before. It's ego. It's keeping your ego in check because your ego can bury you. I grew up in a very small town, it was 2,000 people in a farming town. The actual city of the town maybe had 200 people there but it was something where I felt, they're building more my ego more so than my self-esteem. I'm doing stuff and my ego got the best of me. I didn't take the time to truly study the business because I had launched it right at Valentine's Day. You figure you have a flower shop. Valentine's Day, there's Mother's Day, prom, Easter, we have all these holidays and money will just roll it in. I had six full-time employees and so my overhead wasn't crazy. I was buying all this inventory and then I didn't realize that in the summertime, July and August, nobody buys flowers.
Pretty soon because of all my inventory that I had to keep stocked and my staff, even though it's only six, I had my mortgage on the business and land and around the building. My bank account got down to $42 because of my ego. I was more focused on looking the part as a successful businessperson instead of humbling myself, taking a step back, and doing what was best financially for the business, my employees, and myself. I had to put my own money into the business to pay these people. It took about a good two months to get back on solid footing. That moment that I saw $42.86 in my bank, I'll never forget it.
That was a huge wakeup call and I was so much more focused on my business and I started reading more, doing more research and learning a lot more. My dad has been a successful entrepreneur his entire life. I didn't even ask him for help. I sold the business about three and half years after that and it was a strong six-figure business by the time I sold it because I had gotten so good at what I was trying to do. I immediately became super focused and I had that mindset shift which was a total slap in the face at the time, but I feel like it was helpful. At the time it was terrifying, but now I look back and I'm so grateful because at that moment, every single thing in my life changed.
Didn’t J.K. Rowling say rock bottom was the moment that was the best peace in her life? She was able to up level. The more I talk to entrepreneurs, the more that I hear that story. For me, my rock bottom point, I was six months into the business. I had biggest ego, I couldn't fit through the door. I was broke and I said, “God, this is what I feel that you called me to but I'm going nowhere.” I got very upset. When He humbled me, knocked me over the head and said, “When you want to get yourself out of your own way and you want to become humble and cultural and teachable, I'm going to open doors that no man can shut.” It was shifting where your heart is, shifting your ego is, if you can shrink that, all bets are off. I love that component.
You know what the change was? It wasn't about us anymore. We made about other people. That's when things start working. That's what I think is so amazing because I've never been focused on the money issue, making money. That's always the byproduct of what you do. I care about people losing weight, making my recipes, or people saying that their husbands never want to eat healthy but they were a type 1 diabetic and now they're out of a diabetic rage because they've been eating healthy and they're good. The deli I go to or the grocery store, he listens to my podcast and he's lost over 120 pounds, cooking my recipes and working out. He’s actually trying to do stuff and just the message, the DMs I got on Instagram. People put me in tears over something that I did, that I don't even think is a big deal, but it's the way to impact people. When you actually start caring about helping others. That's the best paycheck there is.
Even for me, Emily, how you've impacted my life. I want you to share a little bit more about your podcast and also about your new book coming out because this is going to help a lot of people. I think a lot of people, especially if they haven't been raised in like the healthy mindset, they think, that's for the skinny people or that's for really the people that are always hitting the gym. Even those little tweaks can make all the difference in the world. The gal who did my hair and makeup from WarPaint International said, “I just decided to draw a line in the sand and start to eat healthy and start to work out,” and I'm so proud of her. She's already lost ten pounds. I love that you make it so simple that these are actually recipes that we can master in the kitchen.
The podcast is called Food in Session. It’s a playoff of class in session. It's a food education because my cohost Mindy Musselman and I, we have been friends for ten years and we couldn't find a podcast that we liked that was more of just general health, here's how to do it. Everything was so based on a diet, like either all keto are all vegan or vegetarian. It was always just a strong sway towards one or the other. She's a registered dietician and a diabetes educator. We're like, “Why don't we just have a podcast together and help people just make those steps and we don't talk about the scientific reasoning behind it?” Nobody wants to hear that crap. It's boring. It's more of these two friends hanging out, having conversation style type of podcast and we talk about how to make your dinners healthier, how to travel and stay on plan or hotel workouts.
We just did a lot of very simple things you can apply to your daily life to make better choices like tricks to get your water in more every day and things like that. Our favorite finds that we find for health and fitness. I like it because it's just something that everybody can take something away from it, we have a great audience. Listenership is amazing because they love our little weird random rants. We just have fun. It's a way to educate people but in a fun way because I feel you retain it because with some of these podcasts that are so overly scientific, you have to be focused or in the zone to hear it or you're just like, “I don't know what they're even talking about.” You don't want to listen to it. A lot of that was inspired through with my first book and then also the second book is to make recipes that people can actually make at home because people are busy.
The whole reason that really even I started doing cookbooks is because I wanted to make healthy food, but I would go and try to find a healthy cookbook and I would be Googling ingredients. You can't find it in a regular grocery store. I want to make sure I could make a book that everything is budget friendly. You can get it all one grocery store, no matter where you live. It's not expensive things, and put a picture with every recipe so you know how the thing’s supposed to look like. I do nutrition breakdown. No matter what kind of diet you're on, you could follow it and know exactly what you're eating, what you're consuming. All the recipes take less than 30 minutes and it's usually what people already have on hand anyway. I do have some protein powder recipes that if you're in the fitness world you would already have that too. Nobody wants to be a slave to their kitchen. People get so intimidated by healthy cooking or meal prep because they see on Instagram, they can make 80 meals at a time all over their kitchen, that takes a lot of time so they don't want to do it. I just want to give people real world stuff they can use to have results.
Thank you for keeping it simple for me. Emily, I want to switch on over to the Lightning Round with the Lady Boss. If you wouldn't have started with what you started with, being an author and doing what you do with the cookbooks, what would you have gone into?
Landscaping. I have a degree in horticulture too.
What wouldn't you be surprised that you spend so much time doing?
Does experimenting with recipes count? I spend a lot of time doing that. A lot of people think it's a one and done thing. For every recipe, the post on Instagram, there are probably two to five failed ones before that or probably you driving around on my old truck.
Chipotle or Chick-Fil-A?
Chick-Fil-A. I actually only ate one thing there though. I'm boring. I like stuff. I just get a Cool Wrap.
Keep it simple. There's nothing wrong with that. Your favorite way to spend downtime?
At our farm, outside.
What are you absolutely addicted to?
Diet Coke. I have one every day.
Everybody's got their thing.
I don't drink coffee or any caffeine, but my one Diet Coke a day in the afternoon is usually my thing.
What is the best piece of advice you've ever received?
I posted for my dad that you don't deserve support, you earn support. A lot of people do things. They just expect people to just support them for not doing anything yet, but you have to take action and able to earn that from people.
Most embarrassing moment?
It would probably be on a first date when I got a little sick from some food and had to use the restroom, that was embarrassing. I had to go home because it was so bad. I think it was food poisoning. I was puking and it was terrible.
You are human.
That's why everything happens for a reason because then I wouldn't have met my husband.
If you were to spend one day with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?
I would say Julia Child, I really like her. If you don't know her story, it's long. You should go in and read it because she became a world-famous chef by complete accident through her trials and tribulations.
A lot of times, when you have that rock bottom moment, that is the thing when everything changes. Describe yourself in one word.
I would say creative.
If you were a superhero, who would you be and why?
Super Woman, so I can do everything.
If someone met you and said, “I want to become the boss of my own life and call the shots. What's my first step?”
You need to figure out who you are. A lot of people lose who they are in life because from seeking approval or a competitive comparison. A lot of people think they like things that they don't necessarily like because they've been told to. I always say if fashion magazines weren't around and Instagram wasn't around, you weren't sure what the trends were, what would you buy in the store when you walked in? People dress for other people. They dress because they feel that it's cool or what they're supposed to wear, but what do you actually love? What is your drive and passion? I feel like it's taken some time to really reflect on yourself as to what you love and who you truly are. A lot of people want to be an entrepreneur. They do it with just something that they think is going to make them money versus what their actual passions are.
You’ve got to dig deep to ground yourself. That's really good, solid advice. What is your definition of a boss?
Someone that is very self-aware in their skin. They identify with themselves very well, they know their tendencies, they acknowledge others and what their strong suits are and help others build those up. You help build other people based on what they might have their blinders on to their own gifts.
You definitely are that definition.
Any last words of wisdom? Emily, you’ve shared so many beautiful pieces of wisdom and insight.
I think it's something where you just get real with yourself and put the noise out, put your blinders on and laser focus and figure out what it is you love. What do you want to do? Think of creative ways to set yourself apart from the market. Don't think no market is saturated enough where they could not have a new bright spot in it. Look at how innovative people are with things. Think of where there's a need, something that you love and somehow you can make it different to make yourself stand apart and get that recognition. People think it's all hardcore. It's not black and white entrepreneurship. There's every color of the rainbow.
I think that has been a huge key component for a lot of people that I've talked with. When they can get really still and listen to that still small voice, that's when clarity happens. When you're just trying to run and keep up with the Joneses, things start to fall apart pretty quickly.
That's why self-care and self-love is so important in that, because I was like that. I would book every single waking moment packed with something to where if one thing ran ten minutes late, it threw my entire day off. I realized I can't do that because I was so caught up in what was going on and what I had to do next, that I didn't even allow myself clarity or quiet time to even think. Every single day I don't meditate, but I take 30 minutes every single day with nothing on. I turn my phone on airplane mode and I just think. I have a notepad there to write down any thoughts and just let yourself and your mind wander and allow yourself to have a real quiet time.
That space to really let divine downloads to come.
I love that term.
If you want to up-level your life, if you want to really step into your zone of genius and to become the boss of your own life, this is going to be an amazing tool and resource to help you to do it. Here’s my challenge to you. I want to fire your fear, build your faith and become the boss of your own life. Thank you so much.
@emilyfrisella – Instagram
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About Emily Frisella
FB: Fit Home & Health
www.fithomeandhealth.com- discount code "TAKE5" for $5 off their cookbook purchase.
I am passionate with creating healthy dishes- I see it not just as cooking & baking but I love that challenge and stragety that it includes to get the composition and texture the same as an unhealthy version but using healthy and wholesome ingredients. I am a total dog lover- self admitted "crazy dog mom". I love entertaining, gardening and working out.
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